In the winter of 1879, Professor Phineus Q. Abernathy ventured deep into the vast, uncharted forests of the southern Ukraine, armed only with a blunderbuss, a suitcase full of scientific equipment, and the certainty that he would be the first man to make contact with a legendary race of intelligent three-toed sloths rumored to live in the deep woods.

His body was found, nude and eviscerated, in a potters field bordering the forest eight years later. Stuck into his abdomen roughly where his missing liver should have been was a wax cylinder upon which the following conversation was recorded:

Unknown Voice: I am the wind in the trees and the fire in the earth. I am your God-Bot, and all creation trembles in my presence. Are your bonds comfortable? Here, let me loosen them for you.

Unknown Voice: Darn tootin I am.

Unknown Voice: Silence whelp! I didn’t come here to listen to your mewling! I came to tell you a tale: a tale of the FUTURE!

Unknown Voice: I said shut up, your God-Bot is prophesizing! Four score and twenty years from now two young men in a faraway land will meet. One, a warrior poet trained to kill by a world gone mad. The other a thinker and a lover schooled by the finest minds available in the mythic land of Towson, Maryland.

Together they will spin a series of tales - each more ridiculous than the last - featuring my Robo-Nephew Sea King 5 and his wacky adventures on Earth. Little will they suspect that their drunken pawing at keyboards will result in a populous that will refuse to take the actual invasion seriously when it arrives.

The fools will usher in the harbingers of their own destruction, and the Earth will be awash in blood and motor oil for a thousand years! What do you think of that, bag-of-mostly-water?

Unknown Voice: They are The Nobos. Now, let’s see what amusements we can find for you today, eh?